“I was always much more comfortable acting, playing a role on stage, than public speaking as Andrea.”~Andrea Klunder
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Beginner’s mind. That place where you don’t know anything, where there’s simply a desire to do. An inkling — what a terrific word, inkling — a slight knowledge or vague notion, it even implies curiosity. It’s a good place to be, with infinite possibility. It’s like the beginning of a new relationship with its flush of excitement and that nauseated uncertainty. Your senses are heightened and your rational brain is fuzzy.
You can’t think about any thing else.
And six years ago in 2015, I was there with podcasting. I’d been there before with operating a storefront yoga studio, with becoming a yoga teacher, with filmmaking, with acting. And I suppose even with singing, though, I don’t really remember that because I was a toddler. But this was different.
I was starting something simply for the sake of doing it without a clearly defined goal in mind. I had that vague notion that maybe it could somehow turn into a business, hopefully, but I didn’t know how. The tech felt overwhelming. Add to that — that recording content as me was vulnerable. I was always much more comfortable acting, playing a role on stage than public speaking as Andrea.
And the imposter syndrome was real. Who am I to think I can do this? Who on earth is ever going to listen to what I have to say? I don’t know how to interview people, I don’t know how to edit audio… but the stakes were low.
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“It’s like the beginning of a new relationship with its flush of excitement and that nauseated uncertainty. Your senses are heightened and your rational brain is fuzzy. You can’t think about any thing else.”~Andrea Klunder
Mentioned in this episode
CI Episode 108 with India Jackson
CI Episode 129 – The Whole Point of The Creative Impostor
She Podcasts Live – October 2021
In that moment, in 2015, I was broke. I had closed my yoga studio business. I had filed bankruptcy. I had lost touch with most of my social connections while trying to run said business. I didn’t know anyone in podcasting. So if I tried it, if I made something and put it out there and no one listened to it, the only thing I would have lost was time. And since I wasn’t really working, I had nothing BUT time.
So here we are almost exactly six years from launching the creative imposter. And it’s been three months since I’ve released an episode, I have taken hiatuses before, but this was by far the most unplanned and for the best of all reasons. Since the launching with no business model behind it the show, I have built a thriving business and somehow in the midst of the pandemic, it exploded.
I had already been teaching podcasting to high school youth with the diverse learning styles and differences through a program and podcast called Power Your Story. And this year I was invited to develop and facilitate a second program. Additionally, 2021 included the launch of three new podcasts for clients in which my role is really much more than launch consultant and editor, but more of a strategist and producer, which is exactly what I’ve wanted to do for a long time.
We also rebranded and relaunched a show for another client and ups the ante with some experimental format. And up to the ante with some experimental formatting on the third season of one of the shows we produced for the Santa Fe Opera, all the while supporting about five to six other shows as an editor and consultant.
All of this was happening at the same time. And I just couldn’t do everything – surprise! – especially, let’s be honest while trying to manage bouts of mild depression, anxiety, and lethargy due probably to the pandemic itself.
But busy-ness in my business is not my only excuse for being MIA in this feed. I also don’t like producing content for the sake of producing content. I have to be interested, curious, and excited about what I’m creating and why. The last set of interviews I released on the show felt very important to me because doing those episodes was a way to stay connected with people during the social distancing phenomenon brought on by COVID.
But after I had done all of those interviews about pivoting during the pandemic, about travel, about self-care, I kind of felt like I wasn’t challenging myself anymore. After the level of creative and impactful work I’ve been doing with shows like Key Change for the Santa Fe Opera, Financial Tea in the Morning for Del Norte Credit Union, with Encounter Culture for the New Mexico Department of Cultural Affairs, The Creative Impostor was just feeling a little meh.
But I was too busy and too tired to come up with the next iteration. So I really didn’t have anything to say.
Back to beginner’s mind!
I have been brewing something in the background, something that puts me into that flushed and nauseous space of a new romance. I started to tell you about it back on episode 129 in April of 2021. That’s when the seeds were planted, but I didn’t know what kind of seeds they were.
And I’m starting to finally see some bits of green popping up through the earth. Still don’t know what they are! But they’re there and I’ll be sharing more about that as I have more to share.
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